“Victim is the viewpoint that it is being done to you. Responsible is the viewpoint that you are the cause of your experiences out of the choices you have made. What if you were the cause of everything you experienced? The genius of the mind is a God-given thing called choice. Neither victim or responsible is the truth. They are viewpoints or sunglasses that dramatically affect our experience. People choose the responsible set of sunglasses because of the benefits of excitement or possibility.” – Brian Klemmer
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard people say, “well there is nothing I can do about it” in reference to a situation they are dealing with. I had never really hear the terms victim vs. responsible until 5 months ago, however I understood the concept long before. Many people in the world today are comfortable with being the victims in their life. When a person is a victim they feel they can make excuses for their behavior, however, what they do not realize is that they are not really getting the most out of life. They are on the rat race wheel of life, because they do not have the viewpoint that they can make a choice to change what is happening.
There is a true story I would like to share of someone I know (the names have been changed). Jane was a young woman with the world ahead of her and she had goals and aspirations and things she wanted to accomplish in life. One night changed all that, the night she became pregnant with a baby girl. Her family was devastated and she was not accepted for the choice she made. She then chose to marry 3 years after the birth of her daughter Rachel. She began to realize that she had settled in her marriage, she let go of her relationship with her family, she became a stay at home mom and housewife. The ups and downs of life came and her answer to everything was that she had no control, and that her imperfect life and her dysfunctional family was not her fault and there was nothing she could do about it. After 27 years Jane told Rachel that she was the cause of all the families issues and she was the cause of her problems, had she never had her, she would not have had the life she did. Rachel knew in her heart that this was not true, and knew that her mother did not know how to be responsible for her choices and change the course of her life. About a year later, when Rachel had enough confidence to confront her mother, she said, “Mom, what do you want to do with your life, what are your dreams? You can have all of that back, you just have to make the choice to change and pick up the pieces that you have left all over the ground. Mom you have so many gifts and talents but you are just letting them waste away because you will not take responsibility for your actions and place the past behind you. What dream did you let go of years ago that you would love to revive again?” Jane did not know what to say so Rachel asked her to think about it. Jane called Rachel a few days later and told her that she had shut her dreams out of her mind, but it was the first time in many years that she had begun to revive those dreams. Jane thanked Rachel for taking the effort and seeing the potential in her and not giving up on her.
I share the story above because it shows, how stuck Jane was in her victim mentality. Jane thought she could never change the choice she made 28 years ago. However once Jane was provided the opportunity to take responsibility, to realize that no one is holding her back but herself, a world of opportunity was apparent to her.
When we operate from the viewpoint of being responsible we are able to choose what we want and are capable of running towards our goals in life. When we operate from the viewpoint of a victim we are not able to choose, it is like being tied down to a chair and not being able to move. Where do you want to operate from, a position of running towards your goals, or being tied down?
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
Rebekah Chavez
e/d Chip Hart